


Some Things are Inevitable

by TheClassyRed



Category: Oxenfree (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, I'm so fucking in love with them, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Not Beta Read, Pining, Time Loop, Time Shenanigans, Underage Drug Use, don't come at me about step-sibling incest bc they're technically not related
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:48:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28553406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheClassyRed/pseuds/TheClassyRed
Summary: Time is a circular thing. Or maybe a triangular thing. But no matter how you look at it, time is fluid. There is no beginning. No end. The trajectory may change, but it ends up where it will always be. So some things were, are, and will be inevitable. That’s just how it is.Alex and Jonas have learned that some things are inevitable.From what they’ve gathered, Clarissa always falls; Ren always likes Nona; Anna and Maggie always die; and Jonas, Nona and Ren always gets off the island.But some things aren’t fated. But if they aren’t written in the history of the universe, doesn’t that make them fated anyways? In that they are fated to be impermanent?At this point, time is a relative construct.So it goes like this: Jonas, Alex and Ren go to an island. Alex opens a tear. Jonas hears his mom’s ukulele. Alex sees Michael. Alex can’t have Michael without losing Jonas. Ren likes Nona, but he has to drown. Clarissa is beaten down with grief and still asks Alex to go prom dress shopping. But at the end, they heard Jonas’s mom, just one last time.And somehow, Jonas always gets out.
Relationships: Alex/Jonas (Oxenfree), Clarissa/Michael (Oxenfree), Nona/Ren (Oxenfree)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	1. Time is fluid

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome loves!  
> First time posting! I've had this idea swimming around in my head for like a year and I finally got inspired enough to write it. First, if you haven't played Oxenfree, please quit and do so now, it will change your life. Secondly, believe it or not I came up with this idea before Haunting of Bly Manor, but the ideas are kinda similar so maybe watch that if you wanna ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> In this timeline Michael is alive and in college, Jonas and Alex are not related, but become very close after the island, Ren and Nona are kind of dating, and Michael and Clarissa have been dating since canon timeline. Things are gonna get wild so stick with me here.
> 
> Not officially beta'd so all mistakes are mine. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> ~Red

_89.9 (Abel 9): Woman's voice: Something keeps touching my leg in the water and I don't know what it is. Can we just go in the cave now?_

_Jason: Oh, sure, sure. I- I just want you to have a good time._

_Jason: Wait there's - I think there's something down there._

_Woman's voice: Wait, Jason, there's - don't trip, there's a-... Jason?_

Time is a funny thing.

Sometimes eleven hours can feel like a decade, yet three days can feel like 11 minutes.

Jonas knew that time doesn’t change for any one, instead it is our perception of time that changes. But after the island, he wasn’t so sure that was true anymore. He had watched as the past became the present, the present became nonexistent, and the future seemed unattainable. So to be thrust into the real world where time was linear again—it was jarring, to say the least.

But it was moments like this, in Nona’s backyard filled with fairy lights and strangers with Alex at his side, that he was reminded how much he loved linear time. Alex and he had shared a lifetime of memories in what should’ve been eleven hours—years worth of small talk at four in the morning, leaping over caverns with only the blind trust in themselves to get them across, and soft, mostly unintentional brushes of fingertips in the early reaches of the morning—but nothing could replace the intimacy of moments when time feels like it has no bearing on the present.

Surrounded by people who had no idea what they’d been through, Alex and Jonas carved out a piece of their own space. Sharing sips of each other’s drinks, watching as the crowds shifted with the songs playing, making the odd comment or joke. It was oddly comforting, knowing that the dozens of people he’d met that night would have no idea who he was, so they treated him as an equal—just one of Ren and Alex’s friends.

Somewhere nearby he heard Michael laugh. A sound that shocked him every time he heard it. Michael’s laugh was deep and oddly comforting, in a way. Mike was like the older brother he never had. The night after they left the island, Alex had told him that no one ever remembers what it was like without Michael. She spent a year of her life grieving, watching her parents get divorced and having the town turn on her. And in the span of one night, all of that changed. Jonas couldn’t imagine, yet Alex just seemed to roll with it.

Obviously he’d thought about what his life would be like if his mom had never died, but it was fantasy. He knew that dead is dead. There’s no changing that.

He guessed the Sunken didn’t get that memo.

The song changed once again, a breeze came through the backyard and he felt Alex shiver next to him. Ever the gentleman, he shrugged off his green army jacket and put it around Alex’s shoulders. She smiled at him and muttered, “You sap…Thanks.”

Jonas smirked back, “Anyti—”

_.- .-.. .-.. / - .... . / --- ..- - ... / .. -. / ..-. .-. . ._

_[What do you want? I can’t help you if I don’t know what you want from us!]_

_[Time. Just time.]_

“There’s like…this is gonna sound stupid, but there’s like something back here. Let’s check it out, it’s not that far in.”

“Jonas, wait!”

“Fortune favors the bold.”

“Wait a minute! Jonas!”

_[Another night. The same. Night. The same boy. Anna. Tried. What you. Are plotting. No one. Ever. Understands.]_

Instead of finding himself in the cave, Jonas found himself standing in front of a modest stone slab, freshly carved, with bunches of grocery store flowers littering the ground. Jonas didn’t even need to question how got here or when _here_ was. He recognized the the large elm tree to his right, the overcast weather dampening his very being, and the harsh, yet measured breaths of his father standing about six feet behind him.

His mother’s grave. The day after the public funeral.

Jonas knew this moment was viscerally real, yet he also knew that he should be standing next to Alex in Nona’s backyard, ironically celebrating her birthday. Jonas tried to will himself back to the party, oranywhere that wasn’t here. But he couldn’t. Time didn’t work that way.

“She would’ve hated this,” Jonas muttered. He knows she would’ve. Jonas’s mom was not one for sympathy nor pity. Yet here he was, throwing his own personal pity-party for a day he was powerless to change. Jonas wanted to cry, he wanted to hit something, he wanted to be _anywhere but here_.

Instead, Jonas shoved his fists into his jacket pockets and turned to face his dad. The weight that he felt in that moment, seeing his father beaten down and basically broken, became unbearable. He didn’t think he could make it through this day when it actually happened, but having to relive it was infinitely worse. He knew what happened after this. The pain—silent and all-consuming—that he and his dad shared that day had forced them simultaneously closer than they’d ever been, yet irrevocably distanced.

Knowing his part in this day, Jonas spoke softy, “Wanna get some pizza?”

His dad chuckled, wiped away a stray tear, straightened his posture and took a breath. “Always.”

So they walked. Mostly in silence. Neither of them were big talkers, so they just walked. With Jonas in a simple black suit with a white shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, in a rare moment without his beanie, they walked to their regular pizza place.

Somewhere in the back of Jonas’s mind, he was aware that he shouldn’t let himself be sucked in or it’ll worse coming back to the present, but he couldn’t help it. This was—is—one of the worst days of his life. But he almost cherished it; the way his dad righted himself as if to say, _No, I decide how I feel today. It’s my choice and the universe can just fuck right off._ The stoic defiance he showed on this day, sometimes just moments after letting himself break down, was admirable. Jonas and his father didn’t agree on most things, but it was times like this that he felt like he truly understood his dad.

Even more surprising, he felt like his dad might’ve understood him, too.

_\--- .-.. .-.. -.-- / --- .-.. .-.. -.-- / --- -..- . -. ..-. .-. . ._

Jonas heard hushed whispers, slightly panicked orders being given to surrounding onlookers, before his eye focused. He was on the ground, his head resting on something soft—Alex’s lap, he realized—with a curtain of aqua hair blocking most of his view. Alex had her full attention on Jonas, and he could see the relief wash through her as he became aware of himself again.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Jonas,” Alex’s head dropped, resting her forehead against his, her eyes closing momentarily, “you’re _not_ allowed to do that to me ever again.”

Jonas rolled his eyes and thought, _not like I had any say in the matter._ But he nodded, “Noted.”

He realized he had no idea how long he’d been gone, or how he got in this position, but Alex—always the problem solver—seemed to magically produce a water bottle, helping him into a sitting position to take a drink. Jonas suddenly became aware of the crowd that had formed around him, uncomfortable in the knowledge that fifteen drunk teens had just watched him hit the deck for no apparent reason. Ren, noticing his discomfort, gestured to Michael. The two of them hastily shooed away the bystanders and led them back inside. He made a mental note to thank Ren for that at some point.

“What happened?” Jonas asked, slowly regaining awareness of the present again. Alex furrowed her eyebrows, probably torn between being angry that he passed out, and relieved that he was okay.

“I could ask you the same thing. I don’t know really. One second you were handing me your jacket and the next thing I know you just collapsed. Luckily you fell on the grass, but I was worried you hit your head, since you didn’t come out of it immediately. So I went into mom-autopilot, figuring out what you might need, then I stayed here until you came back to me.” She must’ve realized that the _to me_ part might’ve crossed a line, and he saw her blush, just slightly. “I’m just…I’m glad you’re okay.”

“How long was I gone?”

Alex seemed momentarily puzzled, but responded, “A minute? Maybe two. Why?”

“Not here.”

“Okay… want me to take you home then?”

“Not home. Anywhere but home.” Jonas wasn’t ready to see his dad again after all that. But he needed someone. More specifically, he needed Alex.

“Okay, lemme just grab my board and I can take you. You mind if I drive your car?” He shook his head and fished for his keys.

Alex took them to probably the only open drive thru, then took the windy backroads to her house. They parked across the street and crept silently up to the attic. Michael had moved out to live in an apartment near campus a few weeks ago. So, Alex had moved to the attic. It was part of a long-term feud they’d had, both wanted the attic but Mike always got to pull the ‘older sibling’ card until their parents conceded. Alex assured him that it is a _big deal_ since she ‘technically won’…siblings are weird.

They settled quietly in her room, snacking on fries and burgers until they ended up flopped back on the side of her bed.

He and Alex laid horizontally, feet hanging off the side, both unwilling to break the comfortable silence that had enveloped them. He knew that Alex was too afraid to ask what he’d seen, and he was too afraid to tell her. But he owed it to her.

“You tired?” Jonas asked, voice grumbly from not speaking for so long.

“Nah,” she responded, “but I do have an idea.” She pushed herself up and walked to the window over Michael’s old—now Alex’s new—desk. She opened the window and removed the screen, looking back at him with a silent question: _You wanna go do some super cliché shit and go look at the stars together?_

Jonas responded in kind with an exasperated: _Not really, but fine._

Their psychic conversations were really getting out of hand.

Alex’s window led onto a shallowly sloping garage roof, about twenty feet wide, perfect for stargazing. They set out a blanket and two pillows—really going all out on this one—and settled on their backs, both unsure of how close was too close.

He watched as her face relaxed, looking up at the light-polluted night sky, and a new calm seemed to wash over her. She was almost tranquil for a fraction of a second before she turned to him, face scrunched up in worry. “Wanna tell me what happened tonight?”

He breathed out and turned more to face her, “Not really… but I think I need to.”

The honesty in that sentence surprised even him. He did that every now and then; dropping hidden truths and fears as confident statements, and Alex seemed to be the only one that could decipher them.

He started, “I guess it started with you and me going into the cave on the island. You told me to wait and I didn’t. But instead of transitioning to the cave, I looped back. I…uh, saw my dad,” he took a deep breath, trying to keep his voice steady. “And my mom…at her gravesite.”

“Fuck.” Alex’s tone was somewhere between disbelief and understanding. She knew exactly how it felt to lose someone, just to be tossed around in time to see them again. But in her case, her past literally came back to haunt her.

Jonas began to rush through his words, needing to say what he felt out loud. “Yeah…I mean, it was the weirdest thing. I knew, I _knew_ that it wasn’t real because I was with you at the party, but some part of me questioned, you know? Like I know this shouldn’t be possible, but some part of me thinks it really is…” He had a feeling Alex knew precisely how he felt. When she had had visions of Michael on the island, she’d come out of them still talking to him. Like to her, that time was real—whether it was for Jonas or not—and time just seamlessly jumped back and forth. “And another part of me kind of wanted to relive that, you know? Like I know that day sucked—well, understatement—but I wanted to feel that…pain I guess, again.”

Alex thought for a long moment, her brow furrowing in that cute lost-in-thought way. “Hmm. I mean I know that what you feel when you’re there is real. The remorse, the hate, the _dread_ … It’s all real. But real to whom? To me? To you? To the rest of the universe? All you know is that you’re there, in that time. And for a moment, it’s absolutely real.” Her tone said that this was the ‘good news’ portion of this statement, and the ‘bad news’ was not good. “But you know what this means right?”

Jonas was pretty sure he knew the answer.

“It means,” she continued, “that if you’re able to loop _now_ , off the island…it means we didn’t do it. We didn’t fix it. We… lost…” Her voice got small, as if saying it aloud would cause time and space to cave in on itself. She turned on to her back again and pressed her fingers to her temples. “Jesus fuck, Jonas. What the fuck are we gonna do?”

“For now, how about we forget it happened, smoke a joint, and look at the stars?” Alex laughed and took in a breath. He’d said it jokingly, but a big part of him hoped she knew he wasn’t.

“Deal. Lemme grab my stash,” she winked and climbed to the window.

She emerged a minute later with a pre-rolled joint and a lighter.

Jonas righted himself and they sat shoulder-to-shoulder, backs against the breeze, with no further thought of _too close_. They passed the joint between them until it crumbled away to ashes.

And so they stayed, Alex’s head resting gently on his shoulder, high as the stars above. They lost in themselves in the silence, yet still tried to find answers in the universe above.

Was it cliché as hell? Absolutely.

Did Jonas care? Absolutely not.

“Thanks for being there for me tonight. I needed that.” He spoke softly, and not-so-subtly nuzzled her hair, breathing in her rose-scented shampoo. He liked that smell.

“Always,” she said simply. “But if you pass out on me again Jonas, I swear to god I will kill you.”

He chuckled lightly and nodded, “I’ll hold you to that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I ship them sooooo much its not even funny.  
> Anywho, stay tuned because shits gonna get all kinds of time-wimey-fucked-up.  
> I'm trying to keep myself motivated to keep posting so I'm planning on every two weeks (ish), but don't hold me to that :)
> 
> Stay healthy, stay safe,  
> ~Red


	2. Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael calls Alex in a panic about a dream he had, Alex and Jonas must decide how to proceed. Some time-fuckery is afoot...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome my loves! Sorry this chapter is late...and a little shorter...but college started again and I gotta do that so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> This chapter will wrap up our inciting incident and throw us a little closer to plot! Imagine that. Hang with me, I've got a couple surprises soon.
> 
> Thank you all for the kind kudos and comments!
> 
> ~Red

_91.5 (Baker 1): News reader voice: Yesterday, the remains of four bodies were discovered in two cars submerged west of Cape Meares. How the cars got in the water, no one -_

Jonas awoke to the sound of a phone ringing nearby, shrill and incessant. After a moment of bleary disorientation, he was startled to find that he was on Alex’s bed—over the covers _and_ fully clothed, he might add—nuzzling dangerously close to the nape of her neck. Alex’s hand crept out from under her to blindly grab for her phone.

She picked it up with a scratchy, “Hello?”

Jonas couldn’t decipher much from the other line, but it sounded like Michael and he sounded panicked.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay… Of course you can come over asswipe, this is your house too. Lemme get dressed and make coffee, I’ll see you in a bit.” Alex hung up and turned onto her back, rubbing her eyes with the palm of her hands. Jonas watched the way her delicate fingers curled up and unfurled so gracefully, even at seven in the morning. _Christ._

As she hung up she seemed to realize Jonas’s presence; simultaneously, Jonas became cognizant that he was essentially spooning her from atop the covers. Never one for subtly, she turned to face him so they were practically nose to nose, sharing the same air, the same time and space.

“Morning,” she breathed. Her eyes fluttered closed for a brief moment, and Jonas had to resist the urge to brush a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She truly was stunning. Delicate caramel features, dark brown lashes, and deep, rich eyes he could get lost in. _Shit._

“Good morning,” he responded, watching the nuances in Alex’s face as she became more awake and aware.

Reality seized them all too quickly and the impending uncertainty of the morning weighed down on them. He was unsure of how to broach the fact that they would have to explain why Jonas was here, in Michael’s little sister’s bedroom—his former bedroom—at seven o'clock on a beautiful May morning. Although he knew Michael trusted them and _they didn't even do anything_ , still it was still a conversation he’d rather not have.

As if on cue, Alex read his mind, “I’ll make something up, Mike’ll believe me.”

“Is he okay?” he asked. It seemed like Michael was pretty upset on the phone.

“He had a nightmare and needs to talk about it,” she yawned, stretched out, then moved her covers back and stepped out of bed, “I think he’s fine though, just rattled.”

Jonas absentmindedly watched Alex get out of bed, entranced by her again, before he realized she was only wearing a sweatshirt and underwear. He quickly averted his gaze to the vaulted ceiling, giving her as much privacy as he could while being discreet. Alex seemed pretty one-track-minded at the moment, pulling on some sweatpants before grabbing her glasses and phone. As soon as she was decent he rolled out of bed after her, grabbed his shit (his mantra as he walked out any door: _beanie, phone, keys, wallet, smokes: check_ ) and followed her downstairs.

She did indeed make coffee, while also having the forethought to throw a pillow and blanket on the sofa in the living room—part of Jonas’s cover for being here this early—before Michael let himself in about fifteen minutes later. He looked horrible, restless and drained from a night of sleeplessness. Both Jonas and Alex knew this look well, they often looked it themselves.

Michael kicked his shoes off and met Alex in the kitchen, hugged her then grabbed a cup of coffee. It was an entire minute before he seemed to really notice Jonas sitting at the bar countertop. Michael gave him a very older-brotherly-eyebrow-raise and a nod in a acknowledgement. Jonas knew that Alex could barely say two words before her coffee, and he suspected Michael of sharing that trait.

Jonas realized he’d never seen this side of Michael. Normally, Mike was very charismatic with this loud, comforting energy that could fill the biggest of rooms. But right now he radiated none of that; he seemed small, anxious, _tired_.

He felt like an intruder, an interloper into their odd sibling friendship. Jonas never had any siblings, never had friends who had siblings, so the whole idea of a _sibling_ seemed alien. Although, as the moments passed between the three of them there was a sort of silent communication between Alex and Mike. It was different than he and Alex’s psychic _-ness_ , but sharing the same intent.

There was a series of head nods and shakes, eyebrows raised once again, and a final look towards Jonas, before it seemed they decided.

Michael finally faced him head-on and cocked his head towards the sliding patio doors, “Let’s go out back, enjoy the sun while it lasts.”

Jonas looked between them, trying to decide how welcome he was in this affair. After all, he and Jonas only went back three—now four—days, he didn’t know if he wanted to be privy to Mike’s deepest subconscious fears. But the look in Alex’s eyes seemed to plead with him to come with, to back her up. How could he say no?

They settled on the warming concrete stairs leading down into the sloping backyard of Alex’s house; Michael, then Alex, then Jonas. He thought this an odd choice, considering there was a patio table with four chairs not six feet away, but he understood the intermediateness of the stairs—not having to face each other while retaining the intimacy of remaining close to one another. As several long moments passed while they drank their coffee, Jonas watched the rising sun. He itched for a smoke, it felt like ages since he last fed his addiction, but he knew better.

“I dreamed that I died,” Michael suddenly broke the seemingly unending silence between them, “I… I drowned. Actually.”

A long minute passed before Alex breathed, “Fuck, Mike.” Another beat of silence.

Jonas kept quiet for now, still unsure of his place here.

“God it was the weirdest thing,” Mike started, rushing through his words like his courage might run out at any second. “I was in the car—well, not _my_ car but _a_ car—with Clarissa I think? Or at least some redhead, I don’t know, but I think we were on the phone with two other people, in another car maybe. I remember I was looking out at a peninsula or cape and the next thing I know—its like I’m in slow motion. I see the car in front of us swerve, but it was like my body was moving too slow to do anything and I just had to watch that car hit the boundary and fall into the ocean. Before I know it we’re over the edge too, then I’m watching my car fill with water, feeling my lungs fill with it too, and I was just filled with a sense of…” He took a long pause, searching for the words, “absolute _dread_ …Like…like _dream_ -me is really dying in that ocean and a part of _me_ -me is dying too,” Mike finished, his eyes downturned.

None of them knew what to say to that.

“ _Shit_ ,” Jonas sighed.

“I'm gonna go get more coffee,” Alex said suddenly, as she stood up from the stairs. Jonas knew what she was thinking, he knew she needed a second to regain her poker face before facing her brother again. _The island._

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to…you know, but…” Mike trailed off.

“No don’t apologize man, this shit is terrifying,” he responded, almost automatically. Jonas almost stopped himself there, but something compelled him to continue, “I actually uh, had a similar dream…vision…last night after I, you know—”

“Holy shit, how could I’ve forgotten? I’m so sorry, I should’ve asked if you were okay. Jesus, so I assume Alex brought you here to crash last night after you passed out? Are you okay?” His concern was genuine, because of course it was, its Michael. He was so often concerned with the wellbeing of everyone else around him, that even now he minimized his own problems—his reason for being here—to make sure Jonas was alright.

“Yeah. I just couldn’t go home after that so she brought me here. I’m good now, though. But I had a…loop…I guess you could call it. And it was vivid, to say the least, like I was actually there in that time.” He stole a glance at Michael to see his reaction, but his face didn’t betray his thoughts nearly as much as Alex, so Jonas didn’t know if he should continue. He did anyway, “I uh…well _we,_ I guess, think that we’re still being… affected by the island. That’s why we’re looping, or dreaming, as you called it.” As he finished he looked at Michael, who seemed almost…unsurprised.

For the first time that morning Michael looked Jonas in the eye, and Jonas could see how scared he was.

He sat for another moment, took a breath, and whispered, “ _What does this mean?_ ”

The patio door slid subsequently shut, then Alex rejoined them on the stairs. She sat to the right of Jonas, grasping her cup of coffee for dear life, gently leaning her legs against his. She had a façade of calm over her, but Jonas could _feel_ her panic beginning, her mind racing with the implications this could have. Alex looked at him briefly, as if to ask, _What the fuck do I tell him?_

He wished he knew.

As if knowing exactly what had been exchanged in her absence, she looked to Michael and responded, “I don’t know what any of this means. All I know is that if we _had_ fixed it - the Sunken, the island, _time_ _itself_ \- then this shouldn’t be possible. Looping, I mean. The only reason we were able to keep looping on the island was because of the Sunken, their pain and anger somehow rifted space-time in order for _us_ to be able to relive our own pain and anger. Without them, this shouldn’t be possible…”

_But it is._

“We need to tell the others,” Michael said simply. As if that made it simple to accomplish.

Alex scoffed, “Not today, Mike. I need some time to figure this all out. There’s a lot that we don’t know yet and I don’t want to panic everyone. But I understand if you have to tell Clarissa…I think she would want to know, though maybe hearing it from me wouldn't be ideal...” Michael nodded, but stayed quiet.

Alex was hesitant to extend that offer; Clarissa had a temper unlike anyone Jonas had seen before, she practically _seeped_ bitterness and could have vicious aggression toward anyone who wasn’t Michael. That's not to call Clarissa a bad person, not by any means actually, but she’d dealt with a lot in her time. Jonas could spot childhood trauma from miles away, and Clarissa seemed scream out, _I’ve been hurt too many times before - Fuck off_.

She’s just… guarded. Jonas couldn’t imagine how she’d react to all this.

But he agreed. The others needed to know.

The silence that settled over them became heavy and oppressive. Suddenly Jonas felt out-of-place, like he was rudely interrupting an intimate moment between best friends. He didn't want to overstay his welcome, and he had a feeling there was more they needed to talk about together. 

"I should probably head out, I gotta shower and change. And my dad is probably worried," he begun to stand. That last part was a bald faced lie, but for some reason he felt like he needed to justify leaving. Part of him felt guilty for wanting to leave because, in some ways, it felt like the three of them had just forged a new kind of trust. "Anyways, Alex and I have plans to see Ren tomorrow night, how 'bout we test the waters with him and then decide how to approach this? You both have my number, text me if anything else happens, okay?" 

Alex stood to meet him, "I agree... I'll walk you out, be right back," she nodded to Michael.

Mike nodded back and reached out his hand to Jonas in a fist bump - _a neutral parting_ , Jonas thought, _could've done worse._ So he reciprocated, and turned toward the door with a quick, "See ya."

As Alex walked him back through the house, a sense of uncertainty seemed to hover over them for the first time in their relationship. He didn't like it. One of of the many reasons he was drawn towards Alex in the first place was because of how outwardly secure she was, not just in herself, but in her decisions and loyalties for other people. That security made Jonas feel a little more stable too, he guessed. He didn't want that feeling to end.

That hesitation seemed to extend into their parting - what was sufficient? A handshake? A hug? Nothing?

To keep the ambiguity Jonas decided to surreptitiously put his jacket on as he grabbed the front door, closing off any potential awkward encounters. He turned back and smiled, "Text me about tomorrow, okay?"

"'Kay," she stepped towards to door behind him. "Drive safe, asshole," she smirked, "I can't save your life more than once every twenty-four hours, got it?" 

_And she's back,_ he thought. He chuckled, "Noted." He walked to his car while pulling out a cigarette, shielding it while he walked to light it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on to your pants...  
> Things are about to get confusing for a bit and so, so angsty.
> 
> Stay healthy, stay safe!  
> ~Red


	3. A slip in time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finds herself twisted back in time at Nona's birthday, three days ago. But...some things are different...its eerie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! And so the plot ensues...  
> Happy weekend :)
> 
> ~Red

_94.3 (Charlie 6): Woman's voice: Every individual, it is maintained, is enveloped in a radiant invisible to the carnal eye, and only perceived by the soul accustomed to it._

_. . .-. ..-. -. . -..- --- / -.-- .-.. .-.. --- / -.-- .-.. .-.._

_[Because its scary, that’s why! Have you ever stared into nothing, and moved with it and felt apart in it? It's worse than when we were wilting into atoms.]  
_

_[Yes, I have actually.]  
_

_[Oh, what, sitting in your room, breaking for your brother…you’re like this one. Whatever you think you can do…you can’t.]_

It was too loud. Too many people, too many _everything_.

She couldn’t handle it. She felt like she was going to break down at any moment.

_Escape_.

Alex not-so-subtly slipped away from the basement of Nona’s house to find a quiet corner or closet, but everywhere she went there were couples making out or getting handsy. Figures, it is a party, Nona’s birthday to be precise, but it was not what she needed right now.

She settled on going to the front porch, which was surprisingly empty despite the plethora of smokers present currently. She sat on the front steps and hugged her drink and her knees to her chest, trying to keep herself calm.

_Failure_.

Michael was gone. Ren was pissed. She had tried, she had. It just… hadn’t been enough this time.

She wanted someone to hug her, but also wanted to run away at the same time. She had failed everyone. Well, almost.

The one person who didn’t seem to hate her at the moment was Jonas. But even he was keeping his distance. It had been three days exactly since they returned from that hell of an island, and it seemed like Jonas was a ghost himself. She didn’t really see him at home, he mostly hid in his attic while she was in her room; in fact the first time they had been alone together was in her car on the way here. It had been silent. Not necessarily an awkward silence or a hateful one, but just silent.

She could leave, but she was already three shots deep and she was a lightweight. She could go find someone to chat with, but she hadn’t really been about small talk since she got back. She could drink till she couldn’t stand, but… well yeah that’s sounded like the best plan so far.

She sat on the steps for a few moments more, letting the summer night calm her. She finished her drink, a vodka cranberry, her favorite, and began to stand up. As she reached for the doorknob it suddenly swung open, revealing a slightly pink-cheeked Jonas standing in front of her with a pack of cigarettes in his hand.

“Oh, sorry I didn’t know you were out here. Everything okay?” He asked, some concern in his voice.

“I just needed air, I need a new drink though.” She stepped to move past him but he moved in front of her, blocking her way out.

“Why don’t you stay with me, I could use the company. Then we can both go and get another drink.” He stated, more than asked, stepping forward and closing the door behind him.

“Oh, I guess.” She shrugged.

“So…” He started, not quite knowing how to begin what was on his mind, lighting his cigarette while she stole a sip of his beer.

“So,” she responded, “Um, how’ve you been?” God, it was like civil conversation was beyond her now.

“Not great honestly, haven’t really been sleeping much. And I just feel weird talking to anyone about the uh… island. So, you know,” he trailed off.

“I’m the same, honestly. I mean it’s not like I really slept much before this,” she paused, looking far away for a second, “But yeah. I feel like I’ve probably burned my bridges with Ren, I never had a bridge with Clarissa, and Nona only invited me because she’d feel bad if she didn’t. I don’t know…I just… I shouldn’t have come.” She stated, looking away from him.

“No, no, it’s good that you’re here. First of all because I’d probably be at home if you didn’t come, which I might go crazy if I spent another night alone in that room. And second because you’re here, I’m no longer the loser smoking alone on the front porch.” He smiled at her, looking at her face for any sort of emotion. A flicker of a smile flashed across her lips before she returned to her stoic, cold expression that seemed to be her norm recently. “Hey, if neither of us are sleeping we should, like, hang out together, keep each other company. I don’t know how much longer I can stand to be in that fucking room alone.” He realized that last part might sound insensitive, _shit_ , “Sorry.”

“Nah I know what you mean, it’s fine. But I mean yeah I guess so, I just figured you locked yourself in there because you wanted to be alone,” she stated matter-of-factly.

“At first yeah, but when I started thinking about everything we’ve all been through, it got harder to be alone. But you were always locked in your room and I figured I’d give you space until you were ready to talk. I mean, until now I guess.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel alone. When you need to talk, I’ll be there. It just... I don’t know, something is different this time and I’m... not handling it well.” _This time._ That sad, distant look returned to her face, before she shook her head and put on her stoic façade again. “I need a drink, is that almost done?” She gestured to his smoke.

“Yeah, let’s go inside.” He stubbed the cigarette out on the railing and followed her inside.

They went down to the basement once more in search of the table and cooler of cheap liquor and beer. Alex decided to down another shot of vodka before pouring herself another mixed drink. Jonas followed suit and downed a shot of whiskey before grabbing a beer. They wandered the house together, again in silence, until they found their way outside.

The backyard was lit up with those little Edison bulbs—which just screamed _Nona_ —but it made the atmosphere feel laid back and comfortable, despite the twenty or so people around. There was a game of beer pong happening with Ren and Nona as one team and Carly and her boyfriend on the other. People were chatting around a small fire pit, laughing at one of Ben Owen’s many stories.

Circumstances aside, it would’ve been a fantastic night; friends smiling, laughing, telling stories, it would’ve made her heart happy. But then reality drug her back to senses, and the need to escape again began to nag at her subconscious.

_Leave_.

Jonas must've felt Alex’s sudden change in mannerisms and stature, she had a feeling like she was about to slip away from him, right through his fingers. He placed a gentle hand on the small of her back, hopefully grounding her before she got too caught up in herself. She looked up at him, wide-eyed, but then looked away and relaxed just a bit. She seemed to unconsciously move minutely closer to him so they were practically hip to hip.

He leaned down and lowered his voice, “If you need to leave we can, I won’t make you stay longer than you want to.” He practically felt the relief wash over her.

“I’m not good to drive, are you?” Realizing just how drunk she was as she said it, she swayed a bit and the world wasn’t seeming to stay where it should.

“I’ve only had the first drink and that shot. It takes way more than that to get me drunk,” he chuckled, “Would you be okay if I drove your car? We don’t have to go home or anything, we can just chill in a lot somewhere.” She could tell he wasn't ready to be alone. He didn’t want to go back to the house they shared, to the room, Michael’s room, and sit there alone. It made him anxious and gave him a sense of helplessness. She didn’t want him to feel like that again.

“I do not want to be home right now. Do you have a place in mind?” She asked as they turned away from the yard to head back inside the sliding door.

“Actually I might.” His voice light as Alex drained the remainder of her cup before throwing in the recycling bin in the kitchen. She trusted him, after all they had been through how could she not?

She handed him the keys to her silver SUV as they stepped outside, realizing they hadn’t said goodbye to any of their people, but she currently didn’t give a shit. The two of them got in the car, silent for the most part.

While in her thoughts she hadn’t even noticed Jonas winding them out of the neighborhood to the back road that took them to the ocean. She looked over at him, sharp jaw, straight nose, kind eyes focused on the road ahead; something about him was so…warm? Not the best word for it but she couldn’t find another one that made sense. He caught her looking and smiled, a genuine look that was so _Jonas_. You know when someone has that one thing, like a look or a laugh, that is unique to them and it just describes them so perfectly? That was his smile. It was so Jonas. It made her feel safe. She smiled back, a real Alex smile, and then looked back at the road.

It was almost one in the morning when they reached their destination; a small parking lot that overlooked the ocean from the cliffs. It was beautiful. The soft street lamps lit up the parking lot enough without being overbearing, but it cast this delicate light onto the water below that made the waves shimmer. The lot was empty, not surprising for the town; there were ‘spots’ that all the teens went to where cops couldn’t really see into the car, so those were more desirable than the open ones like this.

Jonas parked facing the ocean, then he put down all the windows so they could smell the salt and hear the waves against the rocks below. They unbuckled and she tucked her knees to her chest, pulling herself close. Alex hadn’t realized she was carrying this tension in her shoulders and neck until she leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes. Something about this place made it seem like they were the only people on the planet. For the first time in… who knows how long, she was calm. Like, genuinely relaxed. She felt no urge to run or find an escape.

“How’d you find this place? I’ve been everywhere here and I didn’t know about this.”

“My dad and I actually stopped here on the way into town last week, we got food and wanted to have some time together before moving in and all that chaos. Something just clicked with me here, I can’t really describe it.”

“No I get it, I could stay here forever.” She looked happy, for the first time since they’d been back, she looked, felt, and really was happy. “Thank you, Jonas. I mean it,” she said, wanting him to know how much she appreciated him. “I know I’m not an easy person to be with, it’s why I’m single probably,” she laughed before returning to her original point, “but you keep fighting for me, no matter what. No one has ever done that for me. It’s…reassuring for one thing, but also I don’t think it’s warranted. I’ve screwed you over more times than I can count, but you never flake when I need you. I just don’t understand why.” She looked at him, searching his deep hazel eyes, looking for an answer.

Jonas breathed out and looked at her square on, “Because I believe in you Alex. I know that sounds...whatever, but I do. You look out for people before you even think about yourself, you do what you think is right and you’re strong. It’s incredible to me. And the fact that you can’t see it in yourself, that you think you’ve ‘failed us’ or whatever, is bullshit. It’s just, how can you not see what I see in you?”

A part of her was so warmed by his response, but another part whispered in the back of her mind.

_Escape. Failure._

She lost her sense of calm and quickly looked away, staring into the ocean, hoping it would just swallow her up. She’d be at peace then.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jonas asked gently, placing a hand on hers on the center console. She looked at him, wide-eyed again, like how she had at the party earlier.

“It’s nothing, I’m sorry.” She replied, voice jumpy. But surprisingly, she left her hand under his.

“Um, bullshit. Whatever it is, you can talk to me. I want to help you. It’s not fair to you to go through this alone. Hell, it’s not fair to me. I want you to be okay, Alex.” He fully grabbed her hand and held it tight, perhaps worried she would somehow fade away and he’d lose her.

“I don’t even know why I keep doing this to myself. It’s so stupid.” She breathed out, quieter then before.

“What is?”

“I dunno, this… panic I guess. I start thinking about the island or my choices and I start to feel like body goes through a ‘fight to flight’ response and chooses flight every time. I feel like I have to run or escape somehow. But sometimes I feel like just curling up into a ball and hoping the world will just disappear. I keep pushing people and thoughts and feelings away and I can’t help it,” she quietly breathed out, “and every time I can’t save Michael, something just breaks. Even when I know I’ll rewind eventually, he’s still gone—or he’s here and then he’s ripped away again.” She began to feel the prickle of tears at her eyes and wiped them away with her sleeve. “Sorry, just, first time saying it out loud, you know, makes it real.”

Jonas felt an incredible pain in his chest just looking at her like that, utterly broken. He reached his other hand to her cheek and used his thumb to wipe away an escaped tear. She looked small and vulnerable, a very different Alex than the assertive, sarcastic one he knows.

“I’m so sorry Alex,” his hand moved to play with an escaped piece of hair on the side of her face, then dropped to her knee. “This isn’t fair to you. I wish I could take away the shit you have to deal with. I just don’t know how.” Silent tears streamed down her face now, but she wiped them away with her sleeve again.

“Sorry, I just… I need a second.” She opened her door and stepped out, walking to the low railing at the edge of the lot, close to the cliff face. She perched on the wooden railing, hunched over herself, face buried in her hands. He sat there for what felt like hours, even though it was probably only a minute or two. Jonas decided that he would not let her push him out, not this time. _Not this time._ He opened his door and took the keys, not bothering to put the windows back up, then walked to her side.

He sat next to her and pulled her small form into his arms, not caring if she wanted to hide or push him away. Surprisingly she turned to him and cried into his shirt, allowing herself to just be held. They sat like that in silence until he no longer felt her shaky breaths, instead feeling her take full, steady ones. She eventually pulled away, turning her body back to face the ocean, gently wiping her eyes.

“I’m sorry, god I hate people seeing me cry,” she forced out a laugh, “and I messed up your shirt.”

“I don’t mind. I just… don’t want you to be alone.” He looked at her, amazed how even in her weakest moment she still can laugh it off and pretend like she’s fine. He knew that path well. “Alex, I’m serious. You can’t push everyone away forever. I’m not gonna let you.”

“I don’t know how else to function. I’ve been doing this for so long.” She sighed, a single tear slid down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away with her sleeve.

“Then let me help you. We can have an open door policy or something, and I can talk to Ren and Nona and them, they’ll understand. Please Alex.” _Please stay._

_. . .-. ..-. / -. .. / ... - --- ..- / . .... - / .-.. .-.. .-_

Jonas awoke, once again, to the ringing of a phone. _His_ phone, _his_ bed this time. Not even bothering to check the name Jonas answered, knowing exactly who it was.

“Alex?” He whispered, looking to his bedside table to read the clock. It was still dark out so it must’ve been early. He couldn’t quite get his eyes to focus, but from what he could make out it was four-something.

“ _Jonas_ ,” she was hyperventilating, he could practically feel her shaking, “what do you remember? Who are we to each other?”

“It’s a little early to be having this conversation, don’t you think?”

“Jonas. _Please,_ ” she almost pleaded. He realized simultaneously that she was completely serious, and she meant them in the _timeline_ , not _them_.

“Um, as far as I’m aware we’re best friends forged through trauma. You live with your mom, your brother lives off campus, your dad…left. It’s May, almost June and it’s four in the morning.”

He heard her take in a breath, steadying herself. “ _Shit._ ”

“What do you need?”

“ _I need you_.” Her voice nothing but a whisper.

“I’ll meet you at the park on Ponderosa, can you get yourself there?”

“ _Yes,_ ” again a whisper, “ _I’m so sorry_.”

“Don’t you ever apologize. I’ll see you in ten, okay?”

“ _Okay._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I realized I kind of took on the 'okay? okay' thing but to be fair I never read a fault in our stars, nor did I see the movie so. It's fine...  
> Anyways yay plot! We're gettin to the good stuff...Enter time-fuckery :)
> 
> Stay healthy, stay safe!  
> ~Red


End file.
